I am sorry for my lack of posts, I finished Alive and Free over a month and a half ago, but am late to writing out my take aways and homework responses. These next three weeks, aka the last three weeks of this program, were the ones I had sort of dreaded, because I knew these weeks were going to be…heavy and preparing us to the end of the program.

I came into the week of “codependency” feeling a little…apprehensive because I acknowledge that I may be..well a little bit…codependent. But as I was beginning this weeks video, I realized something: I have done so much healing and application of my growth, that this week didn’t feel so heavy . According to author Danny Silk, “Codependency is ‘I will work harder on your problems than you do’.”

Codependency is a lot more than I thought it to be. Codependency is also:

1. Hero Complex: “No one else will step up to the plate, so I need to be that one”. Others won’t be okay without me and people will spiral if I am not there.

2. The survival tools for stability are: my value is in being needed by other people and when others are okay, only then am I okay.

I have struggled (and still struggle) with both of these, and these are what I have learned:

1. People will be okay, I am promoting co-dependence in others through my own codependency. People need to learn, no one will spiral. I am not supposed to be in someone’s “God spot”, I cannot save them all the time. That is not healthy for me and that is not healthy for others.
2. I am more than my ability to help others, that is a huge part of me, but not the only part. I can only be responsible for my life

Another big part of codependency is the ability to say no, another aspect of life that I have had trouble with. I wanted to be all things to all people and be “superwoman”, a title I have proudly clung to and worked hard to maintain. But the truth is: only a fictional character has the ability to maintain and uphold that title all the time, and never become resentful or burnt out. There’s a saying that saying no to one thing is saying yes to another but it’s also saying yes to yourself, saying yes to rest, saying yes to recharge, saying yes to learning something, and more.

Homework: weeks homework was pretty simple, just to think about and reflect on situations and/or people that have brought up codependent feelings. Also to think of these questions:

1. Do I have the time? 2. Do I want to help in this situation? (You don’t need to help out in every single capacity, you have the right to pick and choose) 3. Can I powerfully say yes or no? (Am I operating out of a co-dependent behavior or do I genuinely want to offer myself to help?) 4. Are my needs met? (Is my “cup” empty or is is full and overflowing where I can serve from that?)

FUN FACT TIME: I do not have a “green thumb”, plants unfortunately die due to my lack of taking care of them. One summer, I was SO excited to plant some vegetables, so I made my own little garden out of a baby pool. I filled it with dirt, bought some seeds, spaced them out properly and put the pool into my backyard. The first week or two were great, I watered it and put some plant food in the soil, but after that.. I mostly forgot about, didn’t water it much, and kinda just left it outside in the sun during that hot summer. But I REFUSED to get rid of it because I will revive it and will start watering it everyday. I finally succumbed to the fact I had to get rid of it. But there was always next year! Thankfully to plants everywhere, I only have an aloe plant I got this summer, and I love it because I only have to water it minimally and bring it out in the sun a couple times. ONE DAY, I will have a functional vegetable garden, just not this year.