God really has a funny way of showing that He is listening. I finished week 5(plus intro) or week 6 if you count the intro as a week of the Alive and Free program I started in June 2019. For those of you who don’t know: it’s a 9 week (or intro plus 8 week) Christian based emotional wholeness and healing program. But that small description doesn’t do it justice, refer back to previous posts on what it has done for me personally. Anyway, I was talking to God, telling Him how I want to publish a post this month, my goal is one per month, but I just finished week 5/6 and I like to allow myself time to really press deep on the “homework” we get, allow what I learned to be loved out. So as I was on my walk today, I felt a single sentence, come to mind, so I raced to sit down in the mall parking lot on the edge of the grass, and I began to just write and write. I felt like I needed to share this uncut, unaltered, and raw post. (I’m aware of improper grammar)

I don’t believe healing necessarily happens in a single moment

Yes, there may be a defining moment when you feel that weight lift and the chains fall and you feel an overwhelming peace and forgiveness fall over you.

But I believe healing is also sitting alone begging God to fix your heart, it’s also sitting in a parking lot at night with pictures and letters and a lighter as you watch them burn before you (true story, that was me), it’s writing a letter to the person who hurt you and letting the pen bleed into the paper your unfiltered thoughts and feelings, it’s allowing yourself to go through the grief process over and over and over, it’s going to counseling, church or other places of worship, to a friend, it’s finding a program through a FB ad (again true story), it’s stepping into a new place in life or into a building, it’s loving others, it’s in serving, in going to work, to school, to a place of worship, it’s loving yourself, it’s finding joy in looking at a rose petal, it’s holding up signs declaring, it’s going back to the emotional moment in worship and experiencing a shift in perspective and a newness, it’s having God meet you in those moments, it’s going back to a physical place to redeem and heal that scar, to find answers that could be repressed, it’s calling someone and forgiving them, it’s going to a different state halfway across the US for two weeks without knowing anyone to serve the people there, it’s going to conferences, it’s missed opportunities that turn into greater adventures, its feelings of loneliness, it’s crying at night time staring out the window, it’s talking yourself out of harm, it’s voicing your story a loud to yourself, a friend, a group of people you don’t know, it’s overcoming fear and standing in front of your youth group and shaking as you share for 90 seconds that felt like more of a huge victory of something so raw and vulnerable ( again true story and there’s YouTube video proof) and having people come up and tell you they were struggling too and could never tell anyone, it’s making friendships and finding your warrior sisters through the sharing of your stories, its hearing I’m sorry from unexpected people, it’s small moments, big adventures, its looking into a babies eyes, it’s spending time with family, it’s doing really hard things, it’s writing forgiveness letters, its getting hateful letters, it’s losing people who were toxic, it’s praising in the hallways while God opens doors, it’s forgiving yourself, it’s getting up, it’s going outside, it’s journaling, it’s starting a blog, it’s going to a Zumba class, it’s dancing in public during hard times, and it’s so much more.

Every single one of these I have personally done through my life in my different areas of healing which lead up to some significant moment when you realized everything changed and your open gashing wound has changed into a scar.

So I like to end my posts with a fun fact about myself. When I was younger, I used to love empty cereal boxes and tissue boxes so I could step on the edges with my bare feet. Yes, I know I’m strange, but it felt really good on my heel 🤷🏼‍♀️. I’ve come to realize that I am very sensory seeking. I love my weighted blanket, the sight of seeing the therapy swings makes me super excited, I love feeling different textures but I have a moderate adversity to food textures. One of the reasons I don’t eat a lot of fruits! Although I can cross “learn to like strawberries” off my list of 53 goals/intentions for 2020, I officially can not only tolerate them but also will eat them as a snack!